Stream of Consciousness

Floyd came up to his sons as they entered the town hall and said in a soft tone, “Hello, sons.” He shuffled uncomfortably but then finally forced himself to say what he wanted to say. “I ain’t drinking no more. I’ve been off the booze for a year now, and I don’t intend to start again. I know I have done you boys wrong. I let my grief over your mother take over my sense and reason and I became abusive to you. If I hadn’t done that, my brother never would have had the opportunity to get his hands on you. I’m going to try to do better this time around.

I won’t lie and say that I got the best temperament, even without drinking. I don’t. I’m short-tempered and irritable most of the time, but hopefully now that I’m not drinking I won’t be knocking you, boys, around so much, as long as you don’t push me to it. If I do start doing that, then I want you to go to the Sheriff and let him know. I’m telling you that now, because when and if I get angry at you, I might not have the sense to tell you then. Anyway, I just want to say that I’m sorry, and I know you probably hate me, and you got every right to.

I’ve been hating myself ever since that accident. The accident was my fault because I was arguing with your mother and not paying attention to the road. She’s dead because of me, and I just couldn’t handle it and took to drinking, and because of that, I lost you, boys. I thought for good but God for some reason sent you back. I don’t know if for me to have a second chance at raising you or what, but I won’t waste that chance. I’ll do the best I can, and I hope it’s good enough to raise you boys up right, and not hateful and mean like I am, or a crazy serial killer like my brother. Our own dad fucked the both of us up, me and Lloyd, and I set about fucking you boys up too, and then my damn brother had to get his turn at it too.

So, I hope that you boys just…” Floyd shrugged. “Just do better than Lloyd and I did. Don’t end up like us when and if you ever have children of your own. Be good fathers to them. You sure as shit got two examples of bad fathers to know how not to be. Anyway, that’s all I got to say. Welcome home.”

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